I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
