Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
