The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
