you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
me + whiskey = a bad person
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