Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
