People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
