she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
