three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
