worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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