He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
