I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
