im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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