I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
