I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
