I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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