I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
