How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
