Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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