I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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