I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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