You just made me feel so damn special
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
