did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
the raccoons are back...
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