All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
