what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Are my feet made of real feet?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
