There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
