no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's official drugs can't kill me
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
