Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize