It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
