i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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