Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
