Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
