i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you have to choose: penises or morals?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
