Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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