the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
