you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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