i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
