i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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