I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I would fuck him just for his dog
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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