Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
