I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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