it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
