Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
