It's like God shit irony all over that family
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
