My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
