it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize