he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
