Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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