Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
