Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
