could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize