new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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