wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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