we'll go far in life on tits alone.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
