he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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