I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
that's an acceptable place to lick
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
