remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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