You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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