Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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