That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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