hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
