He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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